When Architects Go Mad

Like most people, what I really want, is to live in a UFO… but like, a really untidy UFO you know? I don’t want one of those ones that needs constant tidying… because I’m the sort of person who leaves stuff about the place. That’s why “contemporary urban living-spaces” are such a let-down. They look great in the brochures, but after a while all the right-angles and clean-surfaces etc start getting you down… because the thing about clean-surfaces is that they don’t clean themselves. You have to clean them, yea you. That’s why wall to wall carpet is better than bare wooden floors. You’re constantly having to brush and dust – it’s like going back to being a Victorian. Fuck that.

So obviously this caught my eye.

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Which is cool – it looks a bit like that clear Rubicks cube from earlier…

And would be absolute hell to live – the glass floors/ceilings mean that by chucking your socks, shirts, pizza boxes all over the floor in one room, you’d actually be making the mess of a ceiling in another.

It is actually quite cool – it would be excellent for mooning at the neighbours when they were having a dinner party in their similarly transparent abode… but… hmmm…. I don’t know. I think I’d go more for something like this:

Which is kindof indescribable.

It seems to be some sort of great big geodesicy hippie house

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built on similar principles to one of those pub games where you pull the bits out one at a time until the whole thing falls over, but inside they’ve put this giant knitted technicolour placenta… which would probably be a bit of an inconvenience once the novelty had worn off… and you’d probably wind up giving it to the people in the glass house at the top… to cover their chilly see-through abode, give them some warmth and privacy etc.

Lastly there’s this:

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and I can’t tell if it’s real or not.

But it looks a bit more like what a proper UFO interior ought to look right – right down to having a proper bikini-clad crew, like they would’ve done in the 70s – although they do seem to be a bit blurry. I think I’d have something with a proper view of space as well – and a greenhouse bit.

It’s worth visiting the site that they come from to read the utter nonsense that the designers(?) have written about it: “The big sinuous trees having long swaying arms which seem to float in the air searching for a melting embrace form a Pantagruelian Ring a Ring o’ Roses of phytomorphic souls by means of evocative reflects of the drops on the ceiling. “.

or

“In this wrapped space man is placed in a counter-reality which enables him to rediscover himself and to establish a new body and mind balance. All the ingredients contained in this signs ensemble such as light, materials and colours make it a destabilising symbol which underlines the new relationship among man and space, man and time, and man and present-future”

Brilliant. I’ve long suspected that the point of going to art school isn’t to learn how to do art, but to learn how to write unbelievably pretentious bollocks about it so you can charge an arm and a leg for it.

Well… this goes further than that. It almost reads like machine-generated poetry written by spambots. Beautiful (sniff), beautiful.

Cool design though. I wonder if the mirrors would get foggy… and the condensation would drip off them like rain.