Superstar in your own Private Movie

I feel sorry for people who come from the past sometimes.

Not often, but sometimes. They’re are so fucked. So valiant and well-meaning (hemmed in by their invisible, imaginary walls) , but so fucked.

But then I remember the damage that they do; the damage they would do if they could only get away with it… and I well, no, I don’t feel sorry for them at all.

So this turned up:

Yoostar

A fabulous new PRODUCT for CONSUMERS where you can superimpose yourself over your favourite actors in your favourite movies and be a star on Youtube!!!

Only you can’t – they choose the bits of movies you can act on for you – you’re given a limited set of scenes to start with, and then you pay for other ones, through the nose, from another limited selection. Then you upload them to their site, and they choose whether to display them or not.

You can’t upload them to Youtube because you’re not allowed. No kiddy-winkies (because that’s what you are), you’re not allowed… it clearly says so in the terms and conditions.

Only it doesn’t clearly say so, because the whole thing is written in densely-worded, ant-font legalese (the hall-mark of the corporate-anal-retentive) and the whole thing reads like a fantasy dreamed up by the sorts of people who are so out of their minds with their lust for control, that they’re only happy when they’re wandering round with loads of rubber-bands secretly tied round their cocks.

Great idea. Hopelessly, haplessly emasculated execution.

Someone else is going to do this – and it will probably be quite popular. The key is a bit of software that can selectively green-screen selected (moving) elements in an original movie… and then blend in other parts.

It’s a great idea – but it can’t be controlled by the englobulators. The real stars that arise from this will be the people who break the rules… the satirists and subverters.

And we can all tell without even checking our watches, that it’s going to create an entire genre of highly unsettling pornography where people lip-synch to other people’s orgasms… or worse still, genuinely come over other people’s fakes. People are weird. There’s no telling what they’ll do.

And that’s the point.

lol